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It's on my desk

It's staring at me

IT'S JUST STARING AT ME

huh
congrats on your new cat
pretty sure thats how it works
like you were the first thing it saw when it hatched from its haunted space station egg
that means youre its mom now

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M READY FOR MOTHERHOOD

nobody is ever actually ready bro
luckily i dont think cats do much except sit around and go in their personal shitbox
at least thats how i always understood it
rose is the cat lady in the family not me
have you named it yet

Ren had a cat named Morgana. Uh, Mona for short, I guess. Kind of like his code name. And he hated me. Always made fun of me and crap.

[Yet he misses Mona?]

Maybe I'll name it Lisa

Oh god it jumped down

am i meant to interpret that as the cat being able to talk
we had one of those too
it was roses dead cat turned pink tentacle ghost thing
also do you need someone to save you from lisa

Yeah, it could talk if you knew how to understand it

Just to like make sure you don't think I can talk to all cats or something, I def can't. Only that particular fleabutt.

Dead cat turned pink tentacle ghost thing

That is freaking terrifying

[A few minutes later, Ryuji gets completely scratched to death trying to pick her up.]

I'LL TAKE THE DEAD CAT TURNED PINK TENTACLE GHOST THING

SHE MAULED ME

What the HELL!

[........]

[Dave is starting to think that maybe someone needs to tape a first aid kit to Ryuji. actually — you know what, he can probably do that, he has a kit squirreled away here somewhere.]

what did you even do
im coming over

[Probably not a horrible idea? Or wrap in bubble wrap. That'll do the trick.]

She rejected my love and affection

How

Why is it always cats

[Currently, one Ryuji, standing on the chair next to his desk, with the killer poised just feet away, cleaning herself. This is the first hostage crisis on the station.]

[Dave doesn't reply to that text, because he doesn't have an answer straightaway. and also, postulating on the theories he could come up with on why Ryuji's managed to piss off cats as a collective would take up a lot of time, and is better saved for later.]

[he wasn't kidding when he was thinking about the first aid kit thing, by the way. it's why he's armed with it when he barges into Ren and Ryuji's quarters and. hm. this sure is a scene that's been set before him right now. ]

[hm.]

[he pauses to pull up something on his watch, and maybe he answers a text message and takes a casual stroll through the network. though, what he's really intending to do here is probably pretty obvious.]

[snap.]

Man, she really did a number on you. Should I just try to lure her away or what?

Did you SERIOUSLY just bust your ass in here just to take a picture.

[Seems like it. His tone indicates outrage, even his question, which is not a question, seems sharp and pointed; where the inflection in tone should go up indicating the need for response, it's obvious that it doesn't and it's filled with ACCUSATION and DISMAY. Ryuji's never experienced such fantastically high levels of betrayal.

But this punk is a good friend, and he would never throw Dave into the gladiator's pit like this without at least a warning.]

Yo, don't step any closer. I swear to god she's feral as shit! [Except she's not????] She'll eat you alive and spit you out and all that's gonna be left of you is a pair of sunglasses.

It's basically a crime scene in here. I'm doing you a favor by capturing the evidence.

[Dave's a little shit and he knows it. but at least he didn't take a selfie? because that idea definitely crossed his mind for a second, too. he bends down, setting the first aid kit on the floor, resting his arms on his knees, and watching the murderbeast have a bath.]

[okay, he'll be honest, he's not entirely sure how to handle an angry cat. birds are the critters that usually found their way into his apartment, not cats — and he's pretty sure that even when Jaspers wasn't a dead cat turned pink tentacle ghost thing, he was pretty friendly.]

[so ... yeah. he'll heed Ryuji's advice, and not actually step closer, but he does sort of. lift a hand in Lisa's direction. to. pet? presumably???]

[Lisa is a free spirited animal, and takes to no master. Which is cool and all, except someone has to make sure she has food to eat, water to drink, and a clean place to shovel space kitty litter onto the floor of the bathroom so that when Ryuji goes to shower he painstakingly steps on each pebble and curses his existence.

And the mismatch between her and Ryuji is just that. As hyped as Ryuji made it seem that this thing was possessed by station ghosts, she's rather amicable and friendly to just about anyone else. Sauntering up to Dave, even, enjoying his presence, looking for the scritches and the love she deserves.

Ryuji stares at this from his elevated position, nervous that Dave's going to be attacked at any moment. But that doesn't happen, and he's left, jaw agape, not processing what the hell is going on.]

Uh...

[He carefully climbs down from the chair.

Okay, this is kind of cute. He wonders if he should be taking a picture in case he needs it for future reference, but... nah.]

[..... Dave curls his fingers a little, offering the requested scritches, and oh god. oh hell. it's like she sauntered her way right past his emotional barriers and straight into his heart without even the slightest hint of effort. he's not sure how it happened, or quite frankly, what even happened??]

[he has a full seat on the floor, crossing his legs. maybe it's only natural that a kid like Dave, whose mom loves cats so much she kept a huge army of cat clones in a lab, would be so endeared to the little guys.]

[.............]

Huh. She's pretty cute.

[Ryuji is

so confused.]

...

[He quietly pushes the chair back up into the alcove beneath the desk, and tries not to make any sudden, fast moves. Who knows if this is all a trick to get him to lower his guard. He can't be sure of anything. Ryuji opens his mouth. Closes it.

The part of his rational brain that functions (questionably) seems to shut down in the presence of this unholy image.]

You two are cute together.

[Dave pauses mid kitty ear-scritch, because Ryuji's just called him cute, and he's. not sure how to process this information.]

[.........]

Yeah, I guess. [was that really the best you could come up with, Dave. not even a thanks, even if it's meant jokingly? god, it's awful.]

[his weirdly awkward piece said, though, he moves to give Lisa a good scritch under the chin.]

[How does he offload the responsibility of motherhood onto someone else, really, the question that needs to be answered.

(and if he's really the mom, does this make Lisa in her perfunctory teenage years, where she's meant to rebel against her primary caretaker before she one day accepts the reality of their relative positions?)

prooooobably not.

And hey, it just hit him that he said the word "cute" and "you two" and he might want to die a little bit? His brain didn't really seem to want to comply with anything else at the moment. Scrunching his face, he scratches the back of his head like he always does when he's said something Dumb and needs to recount his steps.]

I mean like. You're kinda a natural here. [And, with a little bit of honesty mixed into all this-] I don't really know what I'm doin' here. I've never had to look after anyone but myself. We couldn't really afford an animal in the house.

[he'll take that change of subject, that chance to promptly brush away how awkward the both of them suddenly were right there.]

Don't really know, either. The only animals I have any real experience with are birds.

And crocodiles.

[Dave.]

Lisa's probably smarter than the crocodiles, though.

[Dave.]

Don't cats hunt stuff, though? Maybe she's just attacking because she's got nothing else to hunt.

[It's fine!

It's fine.

Ryuji nods, thinking that the only time he's even seen a crocodile up close and in person was at the zoo on a middle school trip. He borrowed some money from a friend so he could take the train home, left high and dry because he wanted to buy a present for his mom. Stupid... stuffed dolphin.]

I don't think you could swindle Lisa out of all her money. I mean. If she had money. And if money mattered up here?

[Here he is, defending a cat whose actual intelligence he has no claim to know, whatsoever.]

Real glad I look like a big meaty piece of prey. Thanks for that image. [Has some of that awkwardness dissipated? He can't really tell. He could use a moment to himself to gain some composure.]

Hold that thought. I gotta pee. Been standin' on that chair for long enough and holdin' it in.

[He heads to the bathroom, excusing himself.

And. Oh my god? There's an audible curse heard from behind the door. You'd think he's beating himself up or something, but- no, he's just discovered the ramen.]

[... uh.]

All right in there?

[should he. hang on, he scoops Lisa up in his hands and just sort of sits her on the bottom bunk, because that was clearly the smart thing that needed to be done right now. yup, he's a natural at this. good cat. best friend.]

[Dave steps across the room, then, toward the closed door to the bathroom. is Ryuji really cursing himself out in there? for what? or, did he trip? he's not about to barge in on a dude, so he'll just wait for an answer to his question.]

[There are just some things in life that aren't right? Like, did he step on a bug in past life that was once secretly some Buddhist monk working his way back up the reincarnatory ladder, thus cursing him and his existence throughout each and every step along the way? Could a burrito have upset the balance of everything, then, when it was flushed out to meet it's frozen end, for all eternity, wafting aimlessly as a permanent tv dinner waiting for some alien to come and swoop by? And these space ghosts, then, perhaps one of them was in fact some sort of chef, who was wronged by the artisanal love that they had put into the fabricator?

Ryuji is having an existential crisis, all over a 6 pack of shin ramyun. Screw it. It's not worth it. He'll just... calmly pick up the pack of energy drinks, set it aside on the floor as it (hopefully) hasn't touched that morass of shitwater in it, and then just... let it go.

Just let it go, Ryuji. He looks like he could cry, though, as he exits the confines of it.]

I'm--- I'm okay. I'm okay? Don't worry about it. We're done hangin' out in bathrooms anyway. I mean. If you wanna see for yourself. But it's a horror in there. It's a real life, goddamn horror.

[WHY IS HE SO OVERDRAMATIC OVER RAMEN?]

[even if they're on a strict no-chilling-out-in-the-bathroom policy, Dave can't help but be curious, especially when Ryuji's being so cryptic about it. so, he'll take just a quick look and move on.]

[and. ... and, yup, that sure is some ramen in a toilet. it'd be funny, if it weren't so sad — Ryuji's now got the most flavorful bathroom on board. this toilet is a fucking ramen hog, is what it is.]

What the hell? What's with all the goddamn toilets on this piece of shit station?

[you reap what you sow, Strider and Sakamoto.]

God, they could have at least dumped the flavor packets somewhere less completely disgusting.

See. That's the game they're playin'. They're tryin' to mess with us and get us all pissed off by bringin' shit from home and dunking them in the toilet.

[Space conspiracies 101; he'll have to report back to the resident tinfoil hat association among the station. Ryuji's not serious, at least, he doesn't think he's serious.]

And I've been... I dunno. I've been a pretty good guy my entire life? Sure, I've had a few screw ups along the way. [It's? Just ramen.]

I mean, who hasn't, y'know? But this. This is the last straw.

This is taking it too far.

[He looks at Lisa, lazily chilling on Ren's bed.]

I'm declaring war on every EFFIN' shithole in this entire place.

[can't believe Ryuji is getting about as mad about ramen as Egbert did over some Betty Crocker cakes — though, in retrospect, they both probably have very good reasons to be pretty fucking pissed over some instant dinner + desserts.]

Okay, how are we doing that?

[yeah, he knows Ryuji (likely) isn't serious — and Dave has a bone to pick with the toilet ghost, too. so a little bit of egging him on it is.]

[We- heck yes.]

We take this fight to the pipes themselves.

[If Dave hasn't figured it out, ramen is more than just ramen to Ryuji. It's the comfort and semblance of home, a thing to grab onto. Food is a form of memory; countless dates with friends, innumerable times waiting in line for Tokyo's best hole in the wall joints. A place to go when his mom was working late at night and there wasn't dinner on the table. It's not just broth, or packets of cheap, disgustingly salty flavoring packets, it's a tangible feeling of closeness to what used to be.

Seeing the ramen in the toilet like that was... eh. Too complicated for Ryuji to actually explain. Some metaphor about slamming on all his hopes and dreams, it being worth the equivalent of bodily waste, etc.]

Either that or we're s'posed to set up a shinto shrine and pray for the spirits to go away.

I... I dunno how this works.

I've beaten ghosts down before, that's easy. But we can't see 'em. It's not like they're just waiting to have a bedsheet tossed over their heads so they can be all "oooooh~~~ I'm comin' for ya~"

[Complete with spirit finger wiggles. Lisa stares at him. He feels judged.]

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