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[a cat nap is just going to have to be in his future, then — he probably won't even realize it happened until he's already awake and sporting an extremely uncool case of bedhead, just smashed a bit on one side, on account of sleeping so hard. poor bastard.]

You want me to put in a good word for you, you mean.

[he pauses, seemingly considering that quite seriously. hmm. he turns Lisa around in his hands to look at her straight on.]

[hm.]

[......... hmmm.]

[finally, he shrugs, still holding her out in front of him, as if he's ready to give her the "don't bite the hand that feeds you" rundown right now.]

Yeah, I can do that. Hey, Lisa — [if only giving a cat a pep talk was the weirdest thing he's done. this doesn't even slightly approach the surface of his entire adventure with the alchemiter. but, Ryuji seems to genuinely want to bond with her, so he'll. give it his best shot??]

You probably shouldn't pick fights with the person scooping your shit.

[....... you can give a better shot than that, Dave.]

I mean, I'm just saying — it's not like you've got pissed off space ghosts taking care of you. Space ghosts can't keep you warm or give ear scratches, and they probably can't smell or actually hold a scoop either, so you'd be cold and stuck with a literal smelly shitbox the rest of your life.

Maybe Ryuji smells weird, too? I dunno, I don't have cat senses. But it's cool, you can trust him.

[He didn't expect this to happen so soon? It's going so fast, from 0 to 80 in a 25mph zone, and Ryuji's staring onto this fine mess and waiting for the inevitable irritability to start kicking in. Is Dave going to live up to his new titular role as the Cat Whisperer? Is Ryuji ever going to make friends with Lisa?

Find out next time, on---]

Oh my god.

[He literally just referred to Ryuji as his pooper scooper and he doesn't??? know how he actually feels about that at the moment. He's not wrong, it's just. Man, he's willing to accept the responsibility that comes along with pet ownership no problem, but he doesn't want to talk or hear about the gross litter box cleaning that he has to do- it's a begrudging task that even a true labor of love wouldn't satisfy.

And then, in a smaller voice, just to himself, as his features twist into increasing levels of incredulity:]

Dude...

[This is actually terrible, why did he ask Dave to do this?]

Do I...?

[Ryuji lowers his nose and lifts his shoulder upward a little bit to see if he actually smells. Embarrassing human being, right here.]

I don't smell. [Confirming to himself, really, voice still low and self-assuring.]

Dave... man... that was... super goddamn heartwarming and all, but shit.

But what? I thought it was pretty good — and now Lisa's got my word that you're dependable.

[okay, so his encouraging spiel was kind of gross, and maybe he'd been teasing Ryuji with the whole smelly thing. but he isn't actually lying when he says "dependable." Dave doesn't necessarily trust so easily, nor is he really the type to let people get all that close. so, to have at least two people on board this space station that he feels like he can really trust ... well, it kind of means a lot to him.]

[so, maybe he'd cracked a lot of jokes in his cat pep talk, but the sincerity's there, too. Dave does absolutely think he's dependable. and maybe someday soon he'll figure out how to leave that sentiment somewhere Ryuji can easily find it.]

And you're only good as your word.

[It's one of those cliche things that stuck with Ryuji from a pretty young age. He can't do the lying thing, can't try to impress people with dishonesty, and is pretty much immovable when it comes to the things he values. If people don't like that about him or think he's naive to behave that way, that's their problem.

And granted, the lack of space deodorant is totally shittsville, population: Reverie Station... but like everything related to the way Dave unravels himself, from what Ryuji can see reading between the lines (as bad as he is at that to begin with), is reassuring.]

You... you think it's time to give it a chance or should I wait a bit for it to sink in first?

Exactly.

[that's a pretty bold thing for Dave to agree on — he is a kid who's got a bad habit of hiding behind his words, after all. but he also had a lot of time stuck on a meteor to think, to grow up a bit, and even though he may have a bizarre habit of accidentally calling people hot moms or just plain saying things he regrets when he's mumbling to himself and someone happens to hear ... he at least tries to make sure the things he does say, when they're directed at friends, aren't too terrible. it's still a work in progress.]

[he turns Lisa back around in his arms, so she's kind of facing Ryuji.]

It's up to you. I think you should go for it, if you want.

[honestly, he's ... not really sure what to do next. should he set Lisa down? should he keep holding onto her, as if, in doing so, he could continue channeling his cat soothing powers he didn't know he had?? he's pretty sure Lisa isn't pissed right now. at least, not yet.]

[Nobody out there is immune from the possibility for growth and change; a year ago the Ryuji standing before Dave right now probably wouldn't have paved the path for any of this. He'd be wrapped up in his own head, pissed off at the world for everything, and alone.]

Shit. Well here goes nothin'.

[Embracing the possibility that this might end okay, he makes a step closer. Anything? Growling? Hissing? Okay, not so much. Another step, slow, like he's trying to make sure that there's an air of respect and amicability to what he's trying to accomplish. Ryuji should probably breathe a little more instead of holding his breath, as if the halfway distance of the room could carry his own carbon dioxide outward offensively.

Eventually he reaches the bed and sits at the edge.

She looks so cozy. He wants her to like him so much, but he believes that he's relatively poor at those types of social skills, worsened only by the fact of his own negative image in feline-kind's eyes. He looks at Dave, scrunching up his lips to one side of his cheek. Is this going to be okay? Ryuji's hand connects to Lisa's head, fingers curling. This is it. The moment of truth.

He breathes through his nose, unable to hold it in anymore, and presses a soft stroke to her rounded head, scratching just once behind her pointed ears.]

This is effin' unbelievable. [And then, takes his hand back and doesn't push this any farther than that. Ryuji looks abso-freaking-lutely reverent. Like he's just done the impossible.

Cue the cheesiest grin, ever.]

[it’s Dave’s turn to have a moment where he tries to process what he thinks about this cat pat endeavour and Ryuji’s dopey grin at his own success, and the only word his brain manages to pull together is “cute.”]

[which, holy shit, he has no idea what to do with that word. they’ve both already figured out today what happens when it’s blurted out loud. does he just ... compartmentalize it and pretend it never crossed his mind? seems like that’s down the line of how he usually handles confusing thoughts. at the same time, he’s pretty sure cat pat successes shouldn’t go unacknowledged. hey ... say something, Dave.]

[.............]

Not bad.

[not bad. not bad!!!! excellent work, Strider. you really sure can words. he may as well have just said cute and then flushed himself down the ramenized toilet.]

[Dave....

Wow, that was so eloquent and reassuring, so well deserved and perfectly said. Ryuji, of course, has to stoke the fire-]

Huh? Well, yeah. No shit, sherlock.

[He's still riding out the cool, calm, emotionally stable state of being high off of this mission coming up critical success. Maybe it'll pave the way for a functional relationship between the two. Maybe he'll be seen as more than just a really diligent regal pooper picker upper.

Who knows what's in store?]

That was all you, dude. All I did was---

[He pawses for a moment, looking at Lisa content in Dave's lap, and then upwards. Ryuji really, really can't help himself when it comes to being a dick, so he mirrors the action he just did on the ball of fluff by reaching up and patting Dave on the top of the head once, then twice. But since he's just kitten around, he makes sure not to be in the crosshair of a nuclear swipe attack. Just in case. Just in case.

Flush him first, basically.

And this asshole? Starts chuckling, covering his own mouth to cover it up. He has a cool image to maintain.]

[THE GODS KNOW WHAT YOUVE DONE DOT JPG!!!]

[you know that little tuft of bangs that's been curling just like his mom's, since he hasn't been able to cut his hair? it just sort of floofs stubbornly right back into place underneath those completely asshole-ish headpats Ryuji just did. Dave can't believe he's done this!]

[and he seems genuinely surprised at first, because Ryuji's actually patted him like he's a goddamn cat, a joking gesture of affection (????) that wasn't a friendly sock on the shoulder or an insult that isn't actually insulting at all.]

[okay, so. time to short circuit, then. he should be mad. he should be pissed, right? like, he should be fucking flying off the handle right now. and he's annoyed, sure, but not actually angry, which is weirdly just as surprising as the fact that he's been headpatted in the first place.]

[his eyes narrow behind the shades. he's feigning anger, for some reason, but even the actual annoyance he does express seems kinda half-hearted.]

You do realize the only reason I'm not kickin' your ass right now is Lisa.

[he says, as he sets Lisa down on the bed.]

[He could easily offer to let Dave borrow the scissors that wound up at the bottom of his shower a few weeks ago, but then it wouldn't allow moments like this, where his little fluff of a bend manages to become perfectly un-miffed in the blink of an eye. It's practically spring loaded. And it's great.

And here comes the hyped up Davefury that Ryuji (kind of) wanted to see, right? An explosion of pure grit, a reclamation for justice in a world of head patting usurpers that needed to have their ass handed to them. One eyebrow quirks upward.]

You don't wanna set a bad example for Lisa, right?

[But he absolutely takes stock of him putting her down and out of reach of any thrashing that's to be had. Preemptively, Ryuji scoots a few seat's widths farther away from Dave.]

[oh, it's a poured out molten pit of Davefury he wants to see, is it? well, he can definitely deliver. he stands, fists clenched, hackles raised, like he's ready to reach over and pop Ryuji upside the head for his insulting transgression, to dunk some serious revenge on him like the ghosts dunked a bunch energy drinks in the toilet, and he just.]

[just.]

[.... nah.]

Yeah, you're right. I'll just have to get you back later.

[he relaxes, rolling his shoulders casually.]

Won't even stop time or anything, and I can still guarantee you won't see it coming.

[could this be even worse than the two of them just duking it out right now? possibly.]

[This. Is. Actually worse.

Ryuji stares at Dave when the heavenly flurry of righteous vengeance doesn't seem to happen, and his eyes wander left and right before quirking a brow upward. Wait, what?]

Are you kiddin' me!?!

[He's outraged, to say the least. His provocations were all for naught. He tried poking the fire, only to be met with the cool indifference of a later. Will he ever be able to sleep again?]

O...kay. But. I bet you didn't see that combing, either.

[Heh.

He high fives... himself.]

what the fuck sort of wordplay did you just fucking say you little prick? ill have you know i blew up and graduated at the top of my classpect in sburb, and ive been involved in numerous secret raids on moronic crocodiles, and i stole at least a trillion boonbucks from them. i am trained in shitty sword warfare and im the top snarker in the entire population of paradox space. you are just another target to my longwinded insult wrath. i will slander you with precision the likes of which have never been seen before on this rotting hunk of space steel, mark my goddamn words. you think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet? think again, asshole. as we speak i am contacting my hypothetical doomed time paradox clone from across the station and your watch is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. the storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your sense of humor. youre fucking owned, kid. i can be anywhere, anytime, and i can ruin you in over seven hundred ways, and thats just with a babys first fraymotif. not only am i extensively trained in trolling the trolls, but i have access to the entire arsenal of shitty copypasta insults and i will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of space, you little shit. if only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your goddamn tongue. but you couldnt, you didnt, and now you are paying the price, you goddamn idiot. i will spit davefury all over you and you will drown in it. youre fucking owned, dude.

[Dave-chan is so kawaii.]

[Dave's actual reaction, because his knowledge of earth memes ends at early 2009, long before that copypasta first emerged, is the longest of exaggerated suffering sighs. he probably set himself up for that one, even if there's no way he could have actually foreseen it. and so he has no choice but to be resigned to his fate.]

[there's no absconding from the terrible puns, bro. that, and it was actually a pretty good terrible one, so ... so.]

Okay, y'know what? We're supersizing this shit. We're making that a double revenge.

[that's right, now Ryuji has two surprise clapbacks in his future to look forward to.]

[Lisa looks thoroughly fucking fed up with all these puns, all these memes, and the both of them, so don't mind her as she decides that this meeting is too much loser for her and prances off to somewhere quieter and without as much fake tension.

Meanwhile, Ryuji, who's just completed congratulating himself for a job well done via the pristine slapping of two perfectly skilled hands together (uninvited in this picture, Dave, who surely would not high five that effort of wordsmithing), sits there, brightly. More than just being downright pleased with himself, he leans forward, eyebrow raised, a look of fondness dumbly splayed across his features.]

Guess I should prepare for my world to be rocked.

[Hey, Dave's pretty good at that already.]

[well, it was nice being cool enough to win Lisa over for a few minutes. but it was never gonna last, not when it comes to idiots like Dave.]

[and Ryuji will get something an awful lot like a small, but equally fond, smile in return, with all the air of confidence one has when the wheels of double decker revenge are already in motion.]

Yeah. You should.

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