dave strider (
oculusriffs) wrote2018-11-11 07:18 pm
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TG: this is going to be fucking stupid isnt it
[want to get in touch with Dave? you can leave a TEXT, VOICE, or VIDEO message — or alternatively, he shouldn't be too hard to track down in person.]

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i bet the towns decked out
i havent really had a chance to go look
[he's still improving rapidly, at least, even in the time frame between their first texts and the moment Ryuji's silently pulling him into his arms, so any outward signs that he was dead less than 24 hours ago are subtle if anything. he's probably still running at a cooler temperature than normal, and his skin is probably pretty dry from ... yeah. he's also on the lightly sluggish side; he just sort of hangs there for a second before he moves to wrap his arms around Ryuji in what's less a tight embrace and more just. holding on for dear life.]
[because there was a moment there, less than 24 hours ago, where he thought he was breaking another promise and leaving him behind. and there was a panicked moment where he thought he was never going to see Ryuji again.]
[he accidentally drops the can. it rolls off a few feet away, puddling the floor next to the door frame. Dave doesn't really seem to notice.]
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And it makes him angry. Whoever caused this deserves revenge.
Whether or not that cola is spilling out onto the floor, it's not like Ryuji cares either way. That's someone else's problem, as inconsiderate as it sounds (and he is), but an arm loops up under Dave's legs, and the other against his back as he lifts up. He's not even thinking when he does it, nor is he really asking Dave if it's okay that he does so, but he's going to carry him inside his room. If Dave's at the point where he's hanging on for dear life, then it's something he knows he has to do. Be a pillar of support strong enough so that he knows he'll always be there for him. It's a little extra of him, yeah, but he doesn't care. This is private; this is the most important person in the world to him, and he wants him in his room and in his bed. Especially if Dave couldn't make it down tree-side tonight.
And maybe some of that anger is in the grit of his voice, and it's probably more serious sounding than Dave's used to, filled with the intent to hurt someone for this, but nothing. Nothing has the right to hurt him and walk away unscathed from it.]
Who did it?
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[honestly, if he hadn't been in such a vulnerable position once before already, when the gravity somewhere else in space was shot and he couldn't move, and if Ryuji hadn't already carried him once before in said situation, Dave would probably be protesting this. well — a lot more, anyway. he shifts like he wants to protest for about half a second before he gives in, letting Ryuji take him wherever he's going, maybe resting his head on his shoulder in the meantime.]
[when you grow up expecting a fight around every corner, a single second of weakness is a single second to be exploited. the shields have to be up — relaxing is scarcely an option. strength is the most important stat.]
[but in the nearly eight months they've known each other by this point, even before their relationship kicked off with a wayward homage to Tex-Mex, Dave's learned that ... Ryuji is pretty much the only person he feels safe showing vulnerability around. so, Dave keeps his guard down. he lets Ryuji princess carry him somewhere even safer than the hallway.]
[he panics a little at the gritty tone of the question.]
I'll tell you, but ... you gotta promise me something first though.
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He's got some pretty strong arms, or at least, enough to make their way over to his room and put Dave down onto his bed. It does feel somewhat reminiscent of Dave being his backpack for a little while, coupled with the extreme sense of loss at not really being able to do much of anything besides being there. He's given Dave the whole of his heart already, and the thoughts that led up to getting here were those of trepidation and worry. But seeing him, touching him, carrying him; that's different. He couldn't do shit to stop it from happening.
To say that he's thought a lot about this potentially happening is a huge understatement; some of that anger seething out of him is also directed at himself for not being there. He had to wake up on the Moon Base, without anyone around him that knew Dave, or how much he's been through. People who cared, sure, because you don't go into the medical profession without trying to save lives, but they didn't care like Ryuji cared.
It just sucks. If he'd been a little more level headed about the entire thing, he would've seen what promise he'd have to make, because it should be almost immediately obvious what Dave's about to ask of him. But Ryuji's first instinct is to agree, without knowing the terms, because that's just how he feels about him and there's nothing that can change that mentality.]
Yeah, 'course. [Calm down, dude. He needs to. He never knows what to do when so many emotions smack him straight in the chest.] What... are you thinkin' about?
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[because the both of them, of course, could never stop worrying more about the other than they do themselves.]
[he's laid in bed, and it's tempting to immediately crawl under the covers and warm himself up, but he pushes against the mattress with his elbows, propping himself back up into a sitting position, twisting so he can look at Ryuji straight on. his expression is calm and serious as ever, but there's an underpinning of high anxiety in his voice, and the way he takes a breath before speaking.]
Don't try to fight them. By yourself, or — at all is really the ideal scenario. Just. Just run if you see them. Okay?
[this isn't really the way he'd rehearsed that request in his head — he sounded way less panicked in his head — but, that's how it came out.]
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I. Uh... W...what?
[Sitting at the edge of the bed, it's not like the panicked sound of his vocal chords vibrating goes unnoticed, but he's at a loss of words for what to say in response to that. Ryuji sits at the edge of the bed, brows tilted downward. That's not a fair request to make in his eyes, not when the result of that ended up with Dave being cold, being dry... having died.]
No. [The sound rings weird in his own ears. To date, it's hard to remember if he's ever been so stubbornly opposed to what Dave wants, and this is a strange place to be in for him. His hands bunch sheets up, his lips purse into a thin line-]
I ain't doing that. You can't... you can't tell me not to go after something that hurt you. Shit, I. I wasn't even there! I shoulda. [Been the one getting brought back to base if it meant Dave was safe. It's probably obvious what he's trying to say here.]
No. I can't promise that.
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[which brings him to another predicament. Dave wants him to know how dangerous the spiders are. tacking that warning on the wall may as well paint a target on the Matron's lair itself.]
[there's a middle ground here. he just hasn't thought of it yet — right now, they're likely trapped on the other sides of a glass box holding that compromise, trying to claw their way through to it and not reaching each other.]
I can't — [fuck, he hadn't meant to let his voice crack. he tries again.]
I can't undo it, dude.
[no time travel here. he might not even if he could, and then they'd likely be having a very different discussion than they are right now.]
The only thing I can really do is make sure it doesn't happen again. That's why I'm askin' you not to do this — all right?
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Undo it?!
[Holy shit, is he really talking about time travel right now? Ryuji blinks, letting go of the blanket in his hand.]
Even if you could go back and change the course of events, whatever it is that's out there still has that potential or hurting you. Or someone else!
[Ryuji can't get off of this one track mindset he's currently placed himself on, and as it continues to derail at 150mph, he's getting so worked up now; the result from a lack of sleep combined with anxieties that hit really close to home. Dave doesn't deserve that either, but unfortunately, he's such a protective person that he can't come down from it.]
Dude, something attacked you, and I couldn't do a goddamn thing to protect you. And if it's still down there. If it's still down there, it deserves to be put down.
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[not smart enough to stop arguing, though.]
Ryuji, c'mon. You didn't do anything wrong. [he was the one who fucked up here, who tumbled ass-backwards into a fight when he should have done the smart thing and escaped while he still could.]
And it's not like I don't get how you feel. You think I wouldn't be ready to scalp an entire fucking Christmas tree if it so much as dropped a pine needle on you? Wouldn't wish dangerous festive shit on anybody, much less someone I lo—
[whoa — whoa — extremely big guns very nearly blurted out here. awkward and still pretty riled up, he lifts a hand to run his fingers through his own hair.]
The idea of you getting hurt 'cause of my fuckup ... I can't stand it. I get where you're coming from, I really do. But I just can't.
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Ryuji's shoulders slump downward. Yeah, he'd take a chainsaw to that tree, too, if it meant doing anything that was actually worth doing, but he caught that almost-word that he managed to miss half the ending of, and it's really fucking him up for a moment. Or at least, it's Dave pulling out from behind with a red shell in hand and just letting it rip straight at Ryuji's kart, and suddenly he's left spinning without any balloons left.
Leaning forward, he stops Dave from straightening or otherwise fussing with his hair by cupping his elbow. This isn't how he imagined it to go, but it's not like that sentiment isn't wholly mirrored back right at him. Shit, why else is he ready to go fight the entire world just because someone hurt him? Why else is he sitting here, feeling so completely destroyed at the one thing he never wanted to happen to Dave happening?]
You mean it?
[If he doesn't get what Ryuji was going with here, or tries to steer clear of the conversation around it, he'll clarify and kick the door right open.]
You love me?
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[but then ... this is very much like them, too. significance branching out from itself. a sentiment that had always been right there on the edge, and one that finally finds its way out in an unexpected moment. Ryuji reaching out and stopping him, and asking for a clarification.]
["Like. Like, like?"]
[Dave does not need another three hundred word monologue to properly sort out his feelings on a new monosyllabic word he's gone and tossed out in the open. it's been there for a while now. he can pare it down to four equally short words this time.]
Yeah — 'course I do.
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I don't think... I've loved anything as much as I love you, Dave.
[As hard as he thought it would be to say that, it comes pretty easy. Like it's natural for Ryuji, it's something he's known for a while but up until now, he never had the space to bring it out in the open. It was something he had thought about when Dave was falling asleep with him, a sense of rightness to everything that no one else could or would ever get in between.]
...And I'm just. I'm scared, y'know? I mean, that's a scary thing just by itself, but it ain't like love just stops at the word, like there's some cap to how much that word means and suddenly it stops meaning anything more than what it is. And the more that grows, the more terrified I am at even... like, the smallest threat of losing you.
[So that's... pretty much where he's at. He knows he can't be there for every single fight that Dave has to get into, and to think that he could or should is probably wrong. But if he's going to have to end up swinging a sword, he wants him to win. To come home after every battle, whether or not that's against a legion of the undead, spiders, bear cats, or just the ones inside his own head. Ryuji lifts Dave's hand up to his lips and kisses his knuckles.]
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[Dave has to bite back the guilt that tries to rise up again, over the way he'd scared Ryuji like he did, because they're on the cusp of figuring something out here, and trying to trot out an emotion that's still clawing at him and spurred their argument in the first place doesn't ... it doesn't seem like it has a place in the conversation right now. it's still there. he'll try not to ignore it forever.]
You're not gonna lose me. Promise. [he leans forward, gripping Ryuji's hand, lightly pressing their foreheads together as if that'll amplify a simple fact he's spoken. transfer his thoughts through contact.]
[and it is true — if anything, this whole shitty situation has proven that, in a way. death, as strange as this sentence sounds, no longer seems like a way for them to lose each other. the same was true back on the space station, but now that one of them's gone and proven it, it seems ... more tangible. not that it provides much comfort.]
Like you said, right? There's always gonna be a spot for you here to make your way back to, and, I mean. If we're gonna be glass orb lobbed into dangerous quests for the forseeable future, then we'll figure out a better way to work through 'em. Together. [he adds another box to their checklist of things they're trying to help each other through.]
[so, Ryuji won't ever lose him. might lose track of him, but Dave doesn't really know how to fix that, and —]
[wait, no. yes he does. he stops suddenly, having quite literally been pinged.]
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Ryuji settles, and Dave's trying to telepathically share something that a way too thick skull is blocking out. But ever greedy for contact, he closes his eyes and takes that in, too. Telepathic calming through thought osmosis. Thoughtmosis, sure. And it's been said before, but Ryuji's never been one not to trust a promise that Dave makes. The honesty is just so important to him, which is why he couldn't promise Dave to begin with that he wouldn't go off and do something stupid. He wouldn't ever put himself in a position to take back his words, because he means them all when he says them- even the goofy, stupid, jaw-droppingly ridiculous type, too.]
Cool, 'cause I like bein' at your side. S'the best part of my day, anyway.
[The longer he stays like this, though, the more he realizes that he's cracked out on approximately 0 hours of sleep, and as much of a throwback to Sweet Dreams Are Made of Bees, it does feel different enough to make a difference. Had it really been as long as it had? Stumbling through his feelings, leading up to a moment where he could tell him that he loves him, just like this?
Wait, Dave, what are you thinking? It went quiet.]
Huh? You okay?
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[he really should be nudging Ryuji down to get some sleep, the same way he did six days into a thousand replays of Barbee Girl, but. he feels like he's not going to be able to sleep at all if he doesn't throw this idea he's building out there.]
[Dave's kind of wearing the wrong pajamas for this — a red pair that also comes with a cape seems like it'd be more appropriate when using your RPG powers to swear allegiance to someone, doesn't it? but he lets go of Ryuji's hand, slides off the bed, turns around to face him, and then just.]
[has a seat on both knees, brows furrowed in intense concentration, clearly thinking over something very important.]
[the fuck are you doing, Dave.]
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Ryuji just cocks an eyebrow upward at this display.]
Dude, what're you doin', it's cold on the floor.
[This isn't really the time to start taking up meditative mantras or anything, considering Ryuji was pretty intent on dragging him straight downward and cuddling the ever loving shit out of him until he needed a second application of revivify. He leans over, yanking at his arm a little bit.]
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[Dave resists the yanking!! it's true that it's cold on the floor and that he is cold, but whatever he's doing is apparently important enough that he's willing to put off warming up for a little bit longer.]
Wait — hang on, I just got an idea.
[this still doesn't make any sense, Dave.]
Like, an RPG mana skill thing idea. [see previous sentence.]
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Which is especially funny considering what Dave's about to do, but he pulls up the blanket from under him, wedges his ass out from under it, and sighs.]
You're seriously gonna give me an ulcer.
[And then casually drapes the blanket over the back of his shoulders.
Hey, knight. Here's your cape.]
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[Dave, that's not ... he pauses, though, drawing the blanket cape over his shoulders a little, brows still furrowed in thought.]
You know ... the GameFAQs shit about paladins, right? They deal in oaths. I think most of them make their oaths to gods or whatever, but I've already said how I think religion's pretty bullshit, so.
For me ... my oaths are more about the promises I make to people — especially the promises I make to you. And, assuming I do this right, I can promise you that we'll never have to worry about fighting alone. Without each other. If you're cool with it, it'd be kinda like synchronizing our watches, or installing a spirit GPS laser beam or something.
[Dave chews on his bottom lip. this is a pretty hefty idea to be tossing at Ryuji, when they're both probably exhausted and emotionally spent, but he's already gone and said all this, so.]
It's no big if you're not into the idea, though — I mean, I know what I need to do, and I know what the end result's gonna be, but I have no idea what the actual experience of an RPG magic oath is gonna be like.
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[Video games... video games... he doesn't have a working model for this to base anything off of, so he's pretty clueless on what's supposed to be right or supposed to be wrong about oaths or anything like that. From Kingdom Albian Fighters IV, though, there was a main character who gained strength by giving something up in swearing himself to the summoner leading lady. But this isn't an RPG, this is real life, and seeing Dave on the floor talking about this sort of thing is a lot bigger than picking up a controller and putting it down when the dinner bell rang.
Ryuji thinks back to the whole deal with the devil thing, too. He would've done it, if it meant giving him an extra padded layer to protect Dave, and eventually settled on believing that things were fine as the way they were and left that hostess with the mostess on read. But this... also isn't that, not by a long shot. This is someone he knows, someone he loves, offering yet another promise to him. Dave's never not come through on his promises.
But this is also Mr. Sakamoto, so excuse him for a moment.]
... this feels like you're proposin' to me.
[God fucking damnit.]
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....... What.
[hang on, let him pause and recalibrate the mental circuitry. now that Ryuji's gone and pointed it out, it kind of does and. oh god. that wasn't really how Dave was interpreting it at all. it's not the first time he's taken an inkling of an idea and just ran with it.]
I mean — [???????????]
Does it? [maybe you should have thought this through a bit more before just dropping to the floor and offering, Dave! now he's sitting trying to decide how awkward he should feel.]
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I mean, kinda.
[If anything, brutal honesty has always been the best policy for him. This was such a tender and beautiful moment, too.]
So, this oath thingy. How do we kick it off?
[Besides trying to be a coy little shit, he leaves the observation open to whatever interpretation they want to give it. Bullshit magic promises, or just plain old promises, Ryuji's good out here. Look, if he's offering a way to know what's going on with each other at any given moment, as a means to figuring out what they're supposed to do when they're both out in the open in this paramilitary crap they have going on, then yeah. Give him unlimited danger sense range since there's only one person he wants to be able to use it for anyway.
Wait, was he supposed to say "I do" or something?]
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By making an oath thingy. Here, gimme. [he holds his hand out expectantly — you synchronize your chakras by holding hands, apparently. this isn't exactly going as it would in the storybooks, but since when have either of them played by the rules? it's still a majyyks-tinged promise all the same.]
All you've gotta do is, like. Just know that you're the person I'll do literally anything for. I'm pretty sure I've said something like that to you once before, so maybe you already do? So just remember it.
Sound good?
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Except, you'd think this was supposed to be some sort of monk chakra ceremony or something. He has a bit of a different idea, here, where Ryuji slides his hand backwards a bit and curls, bringing his hand hold into more of a locked-in-war position. Yeah, he's bringing this back to square one, since it seems kind of right.]
Aight. Prove it. [He doesn't need to prove it, Ryuji already knows all of this, and Dave has repeatedly shown that he'd do anything for him. A thumb sticks outward in the air defiantly, and Dave can probably notice the extreme amount of affection and tired happiness in the way he looks at him. Maybe that's his answer to the "sound good" part, but.
You know.
He's a bit of a walking shitpost.]
Lay down your thumb and I'll know. For now and for, like, ever.
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[because even the most sentimental and important moments they have are wrapped in a mantle of stupidity.]
You're saying you want me to kick your ass again? All right. [Dave's grip on Ryuji's hand tightens, and for a moment, it may seem as if time is slowing to a complete stop. like the universe is hitting the pause button so it can catch the outcome of a decisive rematch. the battle one for the whole burrito.]
[or maybe that's just one of the mild effects of forming a magical pact with a time player, someone who can't draw on the powers granted to a destiny he doesn't have anymore, but who's built up on pillars of seconds, minutes and metaphors all the same. if timelines were an observable body, if they aren't like the lines of lightning bolts, they'd also be pretty similar to asteroids, too: these monstrous things blazing forward on their own trajectory, scarred and reshaped by the space junk experiences that they collide with, but very scarcely ever meant to cross paths.]
[right up until they do. and if Ryuji closes his eyes for a second during their rematch, he might see timelines themselves in the abstract way Dave does: lines parallel to each other, like the lightning or the comets, or even the staff of sheet music, notations and pitches of every event that shaped it, stretching out forever into oblivion. he might catch sight of one in particular as it splinters and fires off in an entirely opposite direction, traveling at mach speed toward another staff. a new set of timelines. a convergence of universes that defied their own rules, and, if it weren't for a horror station light years away, probably never would have met to begin with.]
[he might see bits of a timeline that had only been described in passing, or bits that had gone unsaid, if only because they hadn't gotten to it yet. an apartment in Houston. a planet of lava. a planet full of melted snow and frogs. a laboratory on a meteor.]
[and if Dave closes his eyes, he might see something similar from the other direction — they are seeing the moment where two timelines two different people lived very different lives on meeting, after all. and this is a sort of pact that goes beyond words.]
[but nearly as soon as the metaphor starts and time stops, it's over, and two kids having a thumb war rematch out in space synchronize, and the seconds start ticking by as loudly as a grandfather clock's pendulum might measure them. gears that had been spinning above them, indicating the oath being made there, fade into thin air.]
[and Dave, once everything is said and done, and once the perception of time passing normally has returned, has Ryuji's thumb pressed down with both his pointer finger and his thumb.]
[because of course he was gonna cheat again.]
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