ic contact for acatalepsy_rpg

[oculusriffs]

TG: this is going to be fucking stupid isnt it


[want to get in touch with Dave? you can leave a TEXT, VOICE, or VIDEO message — or alternatively, he shouldn't be too hard to track down in person.]

Comments

[purrtagonist]

[HELLA]

[the motion Akira makes to accept the bag of coffee beans can only be described as "grabby hands." come to papa, you delicious coffee, you]

Oh thank god, I'm never going to be caffeine deprived again.

[oculusriffs]

[lol.]

Now that you mention it, I'm wonderin' if I could turbo-caffeinate this shit or something. Throw in a few extra lines about it giving you an ungodly buzz and see what happens.

Or maybe just make one giant coffee bean. [that's a terrible and inefficient idea, Dave.]

[purrtagonist]

[. . . DAVE. . .]

You can't make coffee grounds from one giant coffee bean, Dave.

[he says matter-of-factly, like that's the only issue with everything he's said]

But you probably could break a few world records.

[oculusriffs]

Not with that attitude you can't.

[take a giant grater to it! come on, it'll totally work! Dave .... doesn't know anything about coffee that doesn't come from weird space machines.]

Good thing we've got a whole lineup of worlds to steal some giant record accolades from.

Just as long as we don't go somewhere with actual giants.

[purrtagonist]

[oh my god]

You've gone and jinxed us. There are going to be giants on the next world we're shipped of to.

[. . . well, to giant robots count?? apparently those exist on Struxta]

[oculusriffs]

[....... WELP.]

Better to be prepared for giants than blindsided by them, then. Or stepped on by them. Or baked into a giant pie or something.

[Dave, you should really stop while you're ahead, bro.]

[purrtagonist]

[yes. yes he does]

That. . . last one would only happen if they're man-eating giants.

[there's still hope??]

[oculusriffs]

[this is very, very silly.]

I guess it's a good thing there's literally no way that could ever happen.

[purrtagonist]

[yes. yes it is]

Don't jinx us.

[also, he's heading towards the kitchen. and stopping to make sure Dave is following. come with him!!]

[oculusriffs]

[too ... too late! but yeah, all right, he'll follow along — he still hasn't rhymed up that percolator yet, after all.]

[purrtagonist]

[exactly, although they can do that after they reach the kitchen. Akira drops the bag of coffee beans on the counter once they get there]

Busting out those rhymes doesn't make you hungry, does it?

[oculusriffs]

Depends on the time of day, I guess. Why, you offering to make me dinner?

[purrtagonist]

[shrugs!]

Maybe.

[is his only response as he starts digging through cabinets. "maybe" is a "yes," actually. payment for the coffee and the percolator]

[oculusriffs]

[well, he'd be lying if he said this didn't completely pique his curiosity. Dave grew up in a household where puppets lived in the microwave and the fridge was extra sword storage, so he's only ever actually seen someone cooking up close on TV, or something like that.]

[he doesn't say anything; he just watches to see what Akira comes up with.]

[purrtagonist]

[wow what the fuck, Dave]

[it looks like Akira's pulling ingredients for curry! vegetables and rice and a variety of spices]

On a scale from one to ten, how well can you handle your spice?

[oculusriffs]

[yeah ... yeah. 8( but, he's never had curry before — and his motif is fire and lava, kid can probably handle his spice well enough.]

Six or seven's fine. [better play it safe, though. can't try to think of words that rhyme with percolator if you're too busy blowing fire.]

[purrtagonist]

[that's legit, although Akira kind of. . . squints at his ingredients]

How much spice is a six or a seven. . .?

[he goes either zero or ten, there are no in betweens here]

[oculusriffs]

It's somewhere directly between making you sweat uncomfortably and setting your tract on fire on its way out.

[does, uh ... does that help.]

[purrtagonist]

[NOPE]

So is that one tablespoon or two?

[. . .]

Probably two.

[oculusriffs]

Two sounds like it'd be just dangerous enough. I say go for it.

[purrtagonist]

I like the way you live on the edge.

[at least it'll still be edible]

[probably]

[oculusriffs]

[look, he's got no reason not to trust Akira; he hasn't steered Dave wrong!]

[maybe because he hasn't steered him into a pit of spicy lava just yet.]

Someone's gotta. 'Sides, I don't know shit about cooking; from where I'm sitting right now, you're already basically a better looking Emeril Lagasse.

[Dave.]

Think it's safe to assume you're not gonna melt my voicebox.

[purrtagonist]

[and then Dave never lets Akira cook for him again]

[also, uh]

Emeril who?

[oculusriffs]

Lagasse. Y'know, he cooks shit and yells catchphrases whenever he adds a spice or whatever.

[do it, Akira. lob those curry spices in the curry pot and throw out a pun while you're at it.]

[purrtagonist]

Never heard of him. How would you rank his catchphrases?

[he is absolutely going to do that just to prove he's better than this Lagasse dude]