ic contact for acatalepsy_rpg

[oculusriffs]

TG: this is going to be fucking stupid isnt it


[want to get in touch with Dave? you can leave a TEXT, VOICE, or VIDEO message — or alternatively, he shouldn't be too hard to track down in person.]

Comments

[oculusriffs]

[this is very, very silly.]

I guess it's a good thing there's literally no way that could ever happen.

[purrtagonist]

[yes. yes it is]

Don't jinx us.

[also, he's heading towards the kitchen. and stopping to make sure Dave is following. come with him!!]

[oculusriffs]

[too ... too late! but yeah, all right, he'll follow along — he still hasn't rhymed up that percolator yet, after all.]

[purrtagonist]

[exactly, although they can do that after they reach the kitchen. Akira drops the bag of coffee beans on the counter once they get there]

Busting out those rhymes doesn't make you hungry, does it?

[oculusriffs]

Depends on the time of day, I guess. Why, you offering to make me dinner?

[purrtagonist]

[shrugs!]

Maybe.

[is his only response as he starts digging through cabinets. "maybe" is a "yes," actually. payment for the coffee and the percolator]

[oculusriffs]

[well, he'd be lying if he said this didn't completely pique his curiosity. Dave grew up in a household where puppets lived in the microwave and the fridge was extra sword storage, so he's only ever actually seen someone cooking up close on TV, or something like that.]

[he doesn't say anything; he just watches to see what Akira comes up with.]

[purrtagonist]

[wow what the fuck, Dave]

[it looks like Akira's pulling ingredients for curry! vegetables and rice and a variety of spices]

On a scale from one to ten, how well can you handle your spice?

[oculusriffs]

[yeah ... yeah. 8( but, he's never had curry before — and his motif is fire and lava, kid can probably handle his spice well enough.]

Six or seven's fine. [better play it safe, though. can't try to think of words that rhyme with percolator if you're too busy blowing fire.]

[purrtagonist]

[that's legit, although Akira kind of. . . squints at his ingredients]

How much spice is a six or a seven. . .?

[he goes either zero or ten, there are no in betweens here]

[oculusriffs]

It's somewhere directly between making you sweat uncomfortably and setting your tract on fire on its way out.

[does, uh ... does that help.]

[purrtagonist]

[NOPE]

So is that one tablespoon or two?

[. . .]

Probably two.

[oculusriffs]

Two sounds like it'd be just dangerous enough. I say go for it.

[purrtagonist]

I like the way you live on the edge.

[at least it'll still be edible]

[probably]

[oculusriffs]

[look, he's got no reason not to trust Akira; he hasn't steered Dave wrong!]

[maybe because he hasn't steered him into a pit of spicy lava just yet.]

Someone's gotta. 'Sides, I don't know shit about cooking; from where I'm sitting right now, you're already basically a better looking Emeril Lagasse.

[Dave.]

Think it's safe to assume you're not gonna melt my voicebox.

[purrtagonist]

[and then Dave never lets Akira cook for him again]

[also, uh]

Emeril who?

[oculusriffs]

Lagasse. Y'know, he cooks shit and yells catchphrases whenever he adds a spice or whatever.

[do it, Akira. lob those curry spices in the curry pot and throw out a pun while you're at it.]

[purrtagonist]

Never heard of him. How would you rank his catchphrases?

[he is absolutely going to do that just to prove he's better than this Lagasse dude]

[oculusriffs]

A complete embarrassment. I think you can do better than "let's kick it up a notch."

[purrtagonist]

[a brief pause, and then--]

Right. Got it. I'll whip up a catchphrase so witty you'll never see it cumin.

[badum. . . tsh. . .]

[oculusriffs]

[oculusriffs]

[Dave you literally encouraged this, you have no right to be making that face.]

Yeah. All right. I'll do my best to endure your brainstorming.

[purrtagonist]

[WHEN WILL YOU LEARN, DAVE]

Thanks for being my sounding board. Every great entertainer needs one.

[oculusriffs]

Yup. No problem.

[such suffering in that voice!]

[and while Akira finishes whipping up this potentially brain-melting bowl of curry, Dave will just go ahead and rhyme up that percolator he promised. because terrible puns that might prompt him to tattle on Akira or not, he did make a promise. and besides, the dude's still a bro.]

[purrtagonist]

[PERCOLATOR, GET! that means while the last of the curry is simmering, Akira can make them both a nice cup of joe. to go with the curry]

You know curry tastes better when chased with a cup of coffee?