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[oculusriffs]

TG: this is going to be fucking stupid isnt it


[want to get in touch with Dave? you can leave a TEXT, VOICE, or VIDEO message — or alternatively, he shouldn't be too hard to track down in person.]

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[oculusriffs]

[Dave is one of those people who are really good at falling over themselves coming up with words to say; even if they aren't remotely in the park of the right words, he still tends to upturn an entire bin of them in the hopes that he can string together something sensible. something comforting. he's had mixed results throughout much of his life — that's just kind of who he is, he's long since accepted that about himself.]

[but, what happens when he actually doesn't have any words?]

[Ryuji's sitting there, not holding back like encouraged, and yet still struggling to get his question out, and it's all too easy to catch where it's going, it's coming from a place of shared pain — and Dave just doesn't have an answer for him. he doesn't understand why, either. and it isn't just that he can't begin to guess what other people are thinking, he genuinely doesn't get how a universe in the business of perpetuating itself saw fit to create him for a specific purpose, and also saw fit to give his other friends three loving, if deeply flawed, guardians, while he got.]

[well. that. and some resentment over it, frankly.]

[so, what happens when Dave doesn't have any words? when they actually aren't there, when his mind goes blank, and he doesn't have anything in his arsenal to try to string together something cogent?]

[he defaults to something he's been doing his best to learn the past 15 months. he scoots as close as possible, until their legs are up against one another. he snakes an arm around Ryuji, holding him gently, and leaning closer, so that Ryuji definitely knows that he's there. it isn't a big spoon maneuver, that's not his usual spot anyway, and part of hitting the play button is, for a moment, not hiding yourself or your hurt, right? this is more about the two of them being on the same level while trying to share with each other.]

[of course, the opening is there if Ryuji would like to anyway. Dave doesn't have his words, but he does have his presence. maybe, somehow, that'll be just enough.]

[ryuji]

[All of the fear and resentment at talking about is still just as vibrant as ever; it's never something that's going to magically de-escalate from existence by just straight up talking about it. But it does help. A little, by a little, by a little. Like chipping away at a giant pile of clothes that've been left on the floor for far too long, dissecting piece by piece and breaking it down into smaller chunks that are easier to manage. Ryuji's taken the first step forward to admitting and owning up to the fact that the pile's even there to begin with, which is more than he's even been able to do in the last year or so of dating Dave.

And he's ready, at least, to share that part of himself with someone he so obviously and deeply loves. Someone who doesn't need to say much to show that he gets it- someone who, under all pretenses, has a penchant for never really knowing when the heck to shut up as a means to layer his own problems behind wit and banter. Ryuji leans, the exhaustion of the moment clear on his features, and finds a place where he can rub his face against Dave so that his eyes aren't as blurry as they've gotten. He bathes in the closeness he has with him, an incredibly high defense armor that protects his heart, and breathes heavily through his nose.

After a moment or two passes and he centers himself from what he had just said, he furrows his brow and looks at the guy currently koala attaching himself to, well, himself, and his lids lower, fighting back that bad brain feeling that manages to creep its way up into his brain bowl every so often... that he has no idea how he even kind of deserves Dave when he's got so much shit he still has to deal with. Which is a dumb thought, and he knows that, and he tells himself that mentally in order to shut that voice up. There's no such thing as deserve when it comes to people or the love they have for others within them. That's... probably his childhood doubts seeping into something that doesn't belong, and recognizing that, he slouches a little more and just lets Dave do his thing in his supportive way, and continues to lean on him.

Which is something that also took a year for Ryuji to get better at accepting.]

I guess, uh. Maybe I'm not supposed to find out why. But. I.... it also doesn't mean that... I dunno. I don't gotta give him power over me either.

[He looks downward, not entirely sure what to make or say of anything at the moment. But he doesn't feel weaker for sharing with Dave. Not by a long shot; in fact, it's quite the opposite.]

[oculusriffs]

[Dave, for his part, is relieved that Ryuji's both able to talk about it at all, and to seek comfort in him, whatever thoughts may be running through his head at the moment. it's miles ahead of what Dave's ever been able to do — and as much as it sucks, for all the hurt that's been tossed out in the open for them both to sit there and take in, he feels a twinge of encouragement, too. like maybe it's okay to do this sort of thing to begin with.]

[Dave's always known that, of course. it's just hard to make old habits made out of self-preservation catch up with the obvious.]

[there's ... still not really a lot he can say. there isn't a whole lot he can do, either, other than just let Ryuji stay right where he is, let him be as messy as he needs to be. he leans closer, enough so that their foreheads are just barely touching. this is an intensely private moment, with words only meant for each other, after all. effectively, the rest of Vista Virs just doesn't exist.]

You're right. [he pauses, sorting through what he wants to say.]

Doesn't mean it just ... goes away either, you know? I mean ... I get it. And I get how weak and shitty and small it can make a person feel, especially when you're also on the track of thinking you should be over it.

I guess, just. You don't have to worry about dealing with it alone.