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[Shortly before noon, Gundam is standing outside Dave's door. He doesn't knock on the door, since that seems to have ended rather disastrously the last time he did it. He couldn't hear any rites of the occult through his ceiling last night, but--

No. It's not worth another conversation like that.

He can wait. Besides the white toilet paper aesthetic created an interesting contrast against while shrouded in darkness.]

[Gundam is, in fact, in luck today, at least from that angle of potentially embarrassing conversation topics — because lord knows Dave is capable of blurting out some embarrassing shit, regardless of who he's talking to.]

[but maybe five minutes after Gundam arrives, the door opens, and there's the one formerly known as the immortal god of hamster Valhalla. alone, and ready to tackle another simulated day, and.]

[oh.]

Hey.

Hang on a second. [he turns right around, intent on going to the bathroom to pluck the toilet paper roll right off the holder.]

Stop right there, The Immortal Dave! [Gundam sweeps his arm around dramatically-- wait! Wait!!]

The Four Dark Devas of Destruction have deemed your contributions to their empire most ...satisfactory. You have proven yourself a most devoted servant.

For this reason, we have decided to include you in a most crucial endeavor.

[you know that scene in the Kirby anime where Kirby's walking along minding his own business, and then he randomly finds a bag of potato chips on the ground? that's pretty much Dave right now.]

[though, he's an expert at keeping any excitement he has over promised weird Dark Deva endeavors muted — it only shows in the way he suddenly straightens, squaring his shoulders.]

Yeah? All right, what're y'all gonna do?

[This level of excitement is... a c c e p t a b l e.

San-D crawls out from Gundam's scarf to make the jump to Dave's shoulder and Gundam gestures again with a large sweeping motion, before turning on his heel.

Walk with him, Immortal Dave.]

The lunar cycle is drawing to a close, birthing a new opportunity for chaos and calamity! It is for this reason we must act with urgency.

[Gundam hasn't been here too long but, it's not hard to realize that terrible things of varying severity seem to happen at least once a month. An Earth month anyway-- he's not quite sure how long a month is in Susan's heavenly orbit.]

I was rendered temporarily indisposed for a period of time. [That's that we're calling having his entire body rotting from the inside out. Yes.] And another event when I journeyed beyond this realm without them at my side, to tame the beasts in a world tainted blood crimson! [Other people refer to it as the "metaverse."]

Flukes of course. Yet when one has those they must protect in this life it is imperative to take every precaution for their well being!

While they are more than capable of tearing all enemies limb from limb-- my Devas require a structure that shall ensure them safe passage through out this station!

Should they ever be without me as their escort...

[Walking around these floors by themselves presents all sorts of unspeakable dangers to their well being.]

[whoa, dude, that's a lot of very mushy sentiment for some hamsters wrapped up in a about a hundred words of spaceman supervillain monologue.]

[Dave refrains from pointing that out though — because San-D is suddenly on his shoulder, and he is suddenly in the shenanigans shit now, whether he likes it or not (and the answer to whether he likes it or not is obvious, considering he's following Gundam without complaining).]

Right, got it. So we're making the entire fuckin' station hamster Valhalla, then.

[Don't pretend like you wouldn't also do anything to protect those chubby cheeks Dave!

Gundam leads Dave down one floor where he has already begun linking toilet paper rolls together and securing them to the wall. Not too high, but a good enough distance from the floor to avoid the risk of being crushed.]

I have acquired the elusive tools by which we can commence our unholy sacrament!

[Some non-toxic glue, a hobby knife, and some tongue depressors for added support.]

...

[Huh. Now that he's come back to it though, Gundam really thought he'd gotten a little farther than this when he left to get Dave.]

Although. I wonder if perhaps it might be wise to focus our initial efforts on a smaller goal and gradually build upon our loftier ambitions.

[it's true ... Dave has a soft spot he didn't even realize he had for the chubby hamster cheeks — it's a trait all creatures with squishy cheeks share, apparently.]

[which is to say, Dave has incredibly squishy baby cheeks.]

[but he pauses, getting a good look at Gundam's handiwork so far. then he sort of half shrugs, really moving only the shoulder that isn't currently a hamster platform.]

What, uh. What unholy demon corners do hamster gods need to get to around here?

[did he do it. did he do the Gundam-talk right.]

To think that you would have the fortitude to ask me that.

[Gundam looks pleased at Dave's question. Especially the part where he mentioned the Devas as Gods! It is most splendid phrasing indeed!

He holds up three fingers.]

Behold! The power of all creatures derives from three separate sacred golden entities!

A place to sleep! Plenty of exercise! High quality food!

Within the confines of my dark kingdom the first two are easily accessible to them! They have free reign of my bed for their slumbers and the Singularity has gifted a most suitable wheel for exercise!

[HE DID IT. HE SPOKE GUNDAM.]

[let's see if he can keep managing.]

[...........]

Okay, fair. Can't be a hamster Valhalla without the mead hall, or whatever. Isn't that how a Valhalla works? You sit around singing and eating and sometimes you conquer shit.

— Wait, hang on. You're gonna have to go over why you call Hinata the Singularity again, I only committed about a third of that origin story to memory.

Fuahaha ha ha ha ha! [San-D squeaks in laughter as well.]

The destination is agreed upon! Fret not my Devas, this station shall be yours for the taking!

[Honestly though. It really pains Gundam to think anything the replicators spit out is akin to what he considers 'high quality food.' It's not something he minds eating himself but... his hamsters?

Given his abundant lack of talent when it comes to gardening, it'll just have to do.]

[And just as abruptly as that laughter came-- it's gone.]

...

I will not stand for any further mockery of him, Immortal Dave.

[Gundam looks across the hall at Hajime's door briefly. Despite walking away feeling as though he had outwitted Ryuji and Dave in their own game--!!

He was not pleased with how Hajime was included as collateral damage in their battle.]

[Dave might bluster to a new space hell and back about it, should it ever be specifically brought up again, but ... that isn't wrong. the whole ending to that conversation was undeniable proof that Gundam totally owned those lamers.]

[and also, unfortunately, he's as good at blustering as he is being annoying when he's curious about something.]

What? I'm not mocking him, dude, I genuinely don't get what you mean.

[.....]

Which, okay, let's be real, that happens a lot.

But seriously, what the fuck is a Singularity. There was something about a pact, I think?

Within Hajime Hinata encompasses an entity that deviates from the norm.

[Gundam crouches down on the floor, busying himself with gluing two toilet paper rolls together.]

A singularity.

[He doubts that Ryuji revealed any personal details about Gundam's life prior to ending up in this station, despite Dave's exalted "boyfriend" status.]

When we first met he bore no pacts with any familiars. His magical essence was capped at a pitiful five. He was nothing more than a mere human. In truth, there was no reason for my association with him.

I was a creature of isolation. All I desired in our world was silence and callousness. Yet extenuating circumstances forced the fates of myself and other mortal beings to intertwine.

He was... most insistent on gaining the favor of all parties. Including even myself.

[...............]

Okay, lemme see if I've got this straight.

Y'all weren't at the same school or chess club or whatever at first, but then, randomly, you were. I dunno, did one of you move to a new city? And then you got put in the same class, and Hinata, against all the odds you apparently like to shove at people, won you over with the unyielding power of friendship.

I mean. To put it another way, y'all forged a sacred pal pact and the hamster overlords gave their blessing.

["The power of friendship?"

Gundam twists his face up in distaste at Dave's summation. Why must you word it like this was some sort of saccharine after school special?]

That is a most heinous characterization of events.

Yet I suspect you would not believe me even if I were to disclose the truth of this situation.

Man, you don't know that — for all you know, my origin story's even more completely out in fuckin' space.

[... 'cause he means that a bit literally. Dave is an outer space man who, as an outer space baby, shot to earth on a pony riding a meteor.]

Go ahead, try me.

Edited 2018-10-03 22:07 (UTC)

Are you familiar with Hope's Peak Academy?

[Surely Hajime must have spoken about it at length given his intense admiration for it.]

[bold of Gundam to assume Dave remembers the names of things that get mentioned once or twice! this is the same kid who promptly forgot his own point in an argument from five minutes earlier, when it stopped helping his case, and the same kid who once forgot he could time travel. that's like, his biggest shtick!]

[but, actually:]

No.

[oh.]

Wait, is that the same thing as the Project?

[No?]

....

[Do they know the same Hajime Hinata?]

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action; chuu--nnel construction

YES

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from what little i know of homestuck -- dave is 100% correct

the meteor thing is unfortunately a true story

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