ic contact for reverienet

[oculusriffs]

TG: this is going to be fucking stupid isnt it


[want to get in touch with Dave? you can leave a TEXT, VOICE, or VIDEO message — or alternatively, he shouldn't be too hard to track down in person. it's a hunk of junk space house. in space. he's around here somewhere.]

Comments

[ryuji]

[But it's completely okay that Dave became his backpack for a little while. Ryuji's being hypocritical here, of course, but it's hard to break stupid habits.]

Oh, yeah. I mean. That's okay, I've got back muscles for days anyway.

Note taken, though

I'll just have to inconvenience you a little bit more then

[How far can you make it into this 47 second challenge?]

No way, dude! There's so many electronics around here, I don't wanna mess anything up.

I mean, maybe I could give it a whirl but it'd have to be a controlled environment.

I've pretty much been stickin' to that spell I used on you that time in the bathroom

You know, the strength up one?

[oculusriffs]

what the fuck sort of wordplay did you just fucking say you little prick? ill have you know i blew up and graduated at the top of my classpect in sburb, and ive been involved in numerous secret raids on moronic crocodiles, and i stole at least a trillion boonbucks from them. i am trained in shitty sword warfare and im the top snarker in the entire population of paradox space. you are just another target to my longwinded insult wrath. i will slander you with precision the likes of which have never been seen before on this rotting hunk of space steel, mark my goddamn words. you think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet? think again, asshole. as we speak i am contacting my hypothetical doomed time paradox clone from across the station and your watch is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. the storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your sense of humor. youre fucking owned, kid. i can be anywhere, anytime, and i can ruin you in over seven hundred ways, and thats just with a babys first fraymotif. not only am i extensively trained in trolling the trolls, but i have access to the entire arsenal of shitty copypasta insults and i will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of space, you little shit. if only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your goddamn tongue. but you couldnt, you didnt, and now you are paying the price, you goddamn idiot. i will spit davefury all over you and you will drown in it. youre fucking owned, dude.

[oculusriffs]

[Dave's actual reaction, because his knowledge of earth memes ends at early 2009, long before that copypasta first emerged, is the longest of exaggerated suffering sighs. he probably set himself up for that one, even if there's no way he could have actually foreseen it. and so he has no choice but to be resigned to his fate.]

[there's no absconding from the terrible puns, bro. that, and it was actually a pretty good terrible one, so ... so.]

Okay, y'know what? We're supersizing this shit. We're making that a double revenge.

[that's right, now Ryuji has two surprise clapbacks in his future to look forward to.]

[hopefragment]

ironically

[Please imagine Hajime's incredulous, tired expression.]

uh, no, i don't think i've seen that.

[Honestly, he's never heard of it. Either it's unique to Dave's Earth, or it just wasn't big in Japan.]

[oculusriffs]

[i can't believe how intensely the first 10 seconds of that video continue to haunt me.]

yeah alright thats fine
i can handle it
but anyway
i bet there are enough science nerds on board who can set something like that up for you
like a zapfree zone
if you really wanted to try
just out of curiousity
is there stuff you can do aside from electrifying shit and also hulking people up

[ryuji]

[Dave-chan is so kawaii.]

[ryuji]

[Lisa looks thoroughly fucking fed up with all these puns, all these memes, and the both of them, so don't mind her as she decides that this meeting is too much loser for her and prances off to somewhere quieter and without as much fake tension.

Meanwhile, Ryuji, who's just completed congratulating himself for a job well done via the pristine slapping of two perfectly skilled hands together (uninvited in this picture, Dave, who surely would not high five that effort of wordsmithing), sits there, brightly. More than just being downright pleased with himself, he leans forward, eyebrow raised, a look of fondness dumbly splayed across his features.]

Guess I should prepare for my world to be rocked.

[Hey, Dave's pretty good at that already.]

[ryuji]

[Just think of it as a study into the human condition? It's

For real.]

The thing with my persona is that I really can't share the fact I have one with a lot of people. I'm supposed to be living like that superhero who works for the newspaper

Glasses 'n all

Nerdy as shit

But I can't... I've never been great at hiding shit

Uhhh anyway I can kinda smack really hard. I guess that's underestimating it, or something. It's like god is putting divine power into my hand and I just kinda unleash that in the bitchslappiest way I guess

[oculusriffs]

[well, it was nice being cool enough to win Lisa over for a few minutes. but it was never gonna last, not when it comes to idiots like Dave.]

[and Ryuji will get something an awful lot like a small, but equally fond, smile in return, with all the air of confidence one has when the wheels of double decker revenge are already in motion.]

Yeah. You should.

[oculusriffs]

[im suffering]

i guess that makes sense
even moreso in superhero stories like this one where the supervillains not really obvious
kinda wonderin where that puts me though
does that make me like batmans butler
i dont really know anything about the service industry
or maybe like lois lane

[DAVE.]

uh
mega punching sounds pretty alright
definitely better than dicking your way through a video game with a broken sword

[ryuji]

[Oh...


...


that's kinda gay, Dave]

Maybe. How well can you rock a pair of heels?

[RYUJI.]

Anyway, better than swording through a video game with a broken dick.

[oculusriffs]

yeah
ok well
its pretty much your typical buddy cop movie
except made a couple light years more hilarious because snoop dogg is in it
hes like their informant on the inside you know
bein all informative and hilarious and shit
anyway one of my best bros from home gave me the shades for my birthday
theyre actually from the movie
they once sat on ben stillers really weird face
my bro meant it as a joke but the jokes on him
because theyre actually the best fuckin thing ive ever owned

[oculusriffs]

[and he's just ... naturally going right along with Dave and his Lois Lane blunder.

...

that's kinda gay, Ryuji]

im not wearing that shit
i like being able to walk comfortably thanks
if i ever find a printer im printing out that last text btw
framing it and putting it on the wall in the mess hall
shit sakamoto says

[ryuji]

[takes one to know one]

Cool but I'm takin' royalties

I better be super compensated for this shit

I'm practically a modern day Confucius

[oculusriffs]

well alright
if you want to be philosophical lord of the space toast
since i kinda feel like thats the closest thing weve got to currency here
that titles all yours

[ryuji]

I seriously don't think anyone has ever called me philosophical in my entire life, so I dunno how am I'm supposed to take that.

But now that it's out there in the world I'm gonna turn a buncha toast into currency and open up the first international bank up here. At least I'll be bringin' home the bread.

You did this

All you man

[hopefragment]

[Hajime would have been satisfied with just "my friend gave them to me for my birthday" but instead he's treated to an explanation of the rebooted Starsky and Hutch feat. Snoop Dogg. He's learned something today.]

oh cool, so they're a real movie prop?

wait, doesn't wearing sunglasses inside make it kind of hard to see?

[oculusriffs]

pretty much
and nah its not bad at all dude
ive always worn shades not just this pair
first pair was a pair of pointy shades like my bros

[oculusriffs]

you say that like im supposed to have an ounce of regret

[hopefragment]

oh, so it's a family thing...?

[Wait, hang on. Pointy shades... a bro...]

oh, are you related to dirk?

[oculusriffs]

[oh ... man, you know how Hajime is weirded out by basically everything Dave does or says? that's probably the one question he's asked so far that has the weirdest answer yet.]

["yeah, we're related. yeah, he's my age, and yeah, if complicated situations uncomplicate themselves, then i'd call him my bro. but if you wanna get technical, i guess, he's really my dad. and also, my best friend who gave me the shades scienced us all up in a lab on a meteor in the middle of space, and then i rode down to earth on a pony on another meteor.

"the pony didn't make it."]

yeah
didnt know you knew him

[ryuji]

Sure thing Lois

[He's smirking so hard right now.

No regrets, huh?]

[oculusriffs]

yeah yeah

[nope, no regrets at all. Dave just thinks he's made himself the butt of a dumb superhero joke of his own design — what he'd actually accidentally implied here, the suggestion that he could be the Lois Lane to Ryuji's Clark Kent, the guy standing by waiting for Superman to sweep him off his feet, will go unnoticed until they're standing in the middle of an even more awkward situation.]

[oblivious to his own words as always.]

anyway
everythings cool over there then

[ryuji]

[Unmild mannered loser by day, disaster by night! Is that the right superhero? I honestly have no idea about any of this stuff.]

Yeah

I mean, I don't actually know, but... yeah, we'll see

All I know actually is that talkin' to you made it a lot better

[oculusriffs]

[yeah, that's close enough. Superman's pretty great at solving problems, or at least hanging around until someone who's having a problem is able to pull themselves out of it.]

id be lyin if i said i wasnt curious
cant really bail you out of a jam if i dont know the story
but you seem like you always figure your shit out one way or another
so im gonna go ahead and not worry about it

[so, at least from Dave's perspective, the comparison probably isn't too far off. he doesn't mean that dismissively, either, he's just saying that he's fine with being the comedic relief, if that's what Ryuji needs out of him. that's what he's good at; he always has been.]

[the not worrying about it part is a lie though. he also always internally worries about everything related to his friends.]