[but they're setting out into uncharted territory again here, trying out the closeness thing at a different angle, and every single time that happens it makes his heart rate jump about a thousand fold — Dave just hopes Ryuji can't tell from his current vantage point, because whatever nervousness he has aside, it's not like any of this is unwanted.]
[bottling it all up absolutely isn't healthy, on either of their ends. and Dave's about as equipped to speak candidly about himself as he is equipped to be physically comforting, which is to say ... he isn't, but he's trying really, really fucking hard, if not for his own sake, then for Ryuji's. patting his back seems a little too ... casual? is that the right word. why is he worrying about which gesture would equal most affection and comfort when there are a million other important things he could be focusing on?]
[but he hears things like "there's no way in hell I'd give up on you," and it's just like he's reloading Dave's desire to keep trying, to keep moving forward, to keep trying to show that he's not about to give up on Ryuji either, and maybe that's just part of the figuring shit out process, too? he tries something like an arm and shoulder rub instead, just running his fingers up and down Ryuji's arm lightly.]
I know. I don't think ... I'd want to be your bellhop either, dude. That kinda implies to me that you'd owe me for it, or that I want something in exchange, or — something. When all I really want is to just be right here. You know. Not givin' up on you, either. Regardless of whatever might get thrown your way, or whatever you might have to deal with.
[he has to bite back the instinct to dismiss his own feelings as lame again, because he's been built up to act that way for so long, and he's just had someone tell him that no, they're not lame, and that's sort of peeled back another layer, bore through with the point that they're his feelings and he's allowed to express them without that caveat, even if he's said he's okay with being lame.]
[that's just the sort of thing that Ryuji is doing to him.]
Maybe kickin' the bellhop to the side and pushing the cart ourselves would be a better metaphor.
no subject
[but they're setting out into uncharted territory again here, trying out the closeness thing at a different angle, and every single time that happens it makes his heart rate jump about a thousand fold — Dave just hopes Ryuji can't tell from his current vantage point, because whatever nervousness he has aside, it's not like any of this is unwanted.]
[bottling it all up absolutely isn't healthy, on either of their ends. and Dave's about as equipped to speak candidly about himself as he is equipped to be physically comforting, which is to say ... he isn't, but he's trying really, really fucking hard, if not for his own sake, then for Ryuji's. patting his back seems a little too ... casual? is that the right word. why is he worrying about which gesture would equal most affection and comfort when there are a million other important things he could be focusing on?]
[but he hears things like "there's no way in hell I'd give up on you," and it's just like he's reloading Dave's desire to keep trying, to keep moving forward, to keep trying to show that he's not about to give up on Ryuji either, and maybe that's just part of the figuring shit out process, too? he tries something like an arm and shoulder rub instead, just running his fingers up and down Ryuji's arm lightly.]
I know. I don't think ... I'd want to be your bellhop either, dude. That kinda implies to me that you'd owe me for it, or that I want something in exchange, or — something. When all I really want is to just be right here. You know. Not givin' up on you, either. Regardless of whatever might get thrown your way, or whatever you might have to deal with.
[he has to bite back the instinct to dismiss his own feelings as lame again, because he's been built up to act that way for so long, and he's just had someone tell him that no, they're not lame, and that's sort of peeled back another layer, bore through with the point that they're his feelings and he's allowed to express them without that caveat, even if he's said he's okay with being lame.]
[that's just the sort of thing that Ryuji is doing to him.]
Maybe kickin' the bellhop to the side and pushing the cart ourselves would be a better metaphor.