[using a bomb to create a celestial body while your best friend asked a video game to reset the universe wasn't so much an outrageous event as much as it was an outrageous made possible because that's how it was supposed to happen all along. the Green Sun couldn't not exist, because its influence was already in play before Rose's wild blowing up the Green Sun (but actually creating it) mission was even a concept. Paradox Space is weird like that.]
[and maybe that's a fucked up concept, that there's a very specific end point you're supposed to be reaching all along, that there's only one "correct" path. but Sburb players, kids like Dave in particular, are constantly straddling the line between having free agency and having the choices you made ultimately be the ones you were always supposed to be making, which sort of comes with the notion that your choices don't matter. like a ship somehow reaching its final port without an actual course charted, then turning around and realizing that not only had it already been charted for you, but you somehow followed it to the letter. there wasn't really anything or anyone to blame for it, either. it just was.]
[that's not really a comforting thought. and he's learning with each passing minute just how supremely fucked up of a war Ryuji was fighting before coming here, and Dave's thinking he wants to come up with the words to undo the damage having to endure something like that must have done. he'll sure as hell try, but ultimately, he can't. because there's no undoing it. it just is.]
[he hesitates just briefly, unsure if he's doing the right thing or if he's fucking up somehow, before he has to shut down that line of thinking right quick. they've had a month and a half of doing this, of figuring out where exactly they were in being affectionate with each other, of finding that place and slowly inching further along down that line. Dave's leaned on him how many times now? and he's reached that place where he is more than willing to push past any silly anxieties he has and initiate.]
[so he scoots closer, turned very slightly, lifting his arm in a sort of inviting gesture, offering Ryuji a spot to lean on him if he wants it. and if he doesn't get the hint, Dave may eventually just be bold enough to pull him into his arms, like he'd briefly thought about doing what feels like a million years ago, when music was blaring and Ryuji was hallucinating.]
If I'm bein' honest, here. It sounds like you were dealing with some seriously heavy bullshit that you didn't deserve at all. I know me saying that isn't gonna undo any of it, or like ... anything that's happened here.
But, for what it's worth ... I mean, as defining as some of that can be for a person, it still seems pretty obvious to me that you're still fighting. Which I think is pretty damn admirable — and it's something that I like about you.
So. You know. [Dave will keep fighting if Ryuji does.]
no subject
[and maybe that's a fucked up concept, that there's a very specific end point you're supposed to be reaching all along, that there's only one "correct" path. but Sburb players, kids like Dave in particular, are constantly straddling the line between having free agency and having the choices you made ultimately be the ones you were always supposed to be making, which sort of comes with the notion that your choices don't matter. like a ship somehow reaching its final port without an actual course charted, then turning around and realizing that not only had it already been charted for you, but you somehow followed it to the letter. there wasn't really anything or anyone to blame for it, either. it just was.]
[that's not really a comforting thought. and he's learning with each passing minute just how supremely fucked up of a war Ryuji was fighting before coming here, and Dave's thinking he wants to come up with the words to undo the damage having to endure something like that must have done. he'll sure as hell try, but ultimately, he can't. because there's no undoing it. it just is.]
[he hesitates just briefly, unsure if he's doing the right thing or if he's fucking up somehow, before he has to shut down that line of thinking right quick. they've had a month and a half of doing this, of figuring out where exactly they were in being affectionate with each other, of finding that place and slowly inching further along down that line. Dave's leaned on him how many times now? and he's reached that place where he is more than willing to push past any silly anxieties he has and initiate.]
[so he scoots closer, turned very slightly, lifting his arm in a sort of inviting gesture, offering Ryuji a spot to lean on him if he wants it. and if he doesn't get the hint, Dave may eventually just be bold enough to pull him into his arms, like he'd briefly thought about doing what feels like a million years ago, when music was blaring and Ryuji was hallucinating.]
If I'm bein' honest, here. It sounds like you were dealing with some seriously heavy bullshit that you didn't deserve at all. I know me saying that isn't gonna undo any of it, or like ... anything that's happened here.
But, for what it's worth ... I mean, as defining as some of that can be for a person, it still seems pretty obvious to me that you're still fighting. Which I think is pretty damn admirable — and it's something that I like about you.
So. You know. [Dave will keep fighting if Ryuji does.]